wakey wakey hands off snakey
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
