Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
