his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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