I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
