It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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