Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
