Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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