I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
