You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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