Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
