I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
