Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
