I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You can't motorboat a personality
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
