I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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