I accidentally burped into my bong.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
