Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
