so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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