I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
