All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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