She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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