summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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