just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
