So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
