break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
