You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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