Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
