you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
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