sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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