see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She's the barista slut.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
