i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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