i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
