Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
