How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
