Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
