Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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