bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
