Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
