What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
