he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
