How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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