the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
