it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Oh god it's open bar.
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