even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
