Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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