Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
