Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
