Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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