Pappa wants mamma naked
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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