i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
