But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
