does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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